Thursday, June 29, 2006

Postcards From The Funk

I'm sad to note, ladies and gentlemen, that the funk has returned. I think it's a combination of things coupled with my regular self-loathing.

I'm still missing my daughter. It's the first time I've even been away from her for any protracted length of time. (As I sat writing this, I get a phone call from camp. Offspring's been thrown from a horse, and while she's physically all right, the homesickness blues was triggered by the mishap. The camp nurse assures me that she's none the worse for the experience, but that she's just really missing her mom. Aw. My sweet baby.) I should be better about letting her spread her wings are soar on her own. I'm trying, but it's very hard.

I got a call from the Girl Scout parent that caused such a ruckus back in the Spring, and she told me that her daughter would not be returning to my troop in the fall. While, on one hand, I'm relieved that the dissenting voice that cause me such personal anguish will no longer be there, I somehow feel as if I've failed. It's my nature to want to please everyone, and I fell short of the mark here. I wonder whether the girl had anything to say in the matter, or if the decision was purely the mother's? From what I understand, the girls are perfectly happy with the way things are going, and it's just one or two mothers that are dissatisfied. So, now I'm left not only with the feeling that there's something I should have done and didn't; and feeling of failure, but also the odd sense of a job left undone; an incompleteness of sorts.

I also feel sort of superfluous at the moment -- school out for the summer, vacation over, child away, no major projects on the horizon. I'm at loose ends. I have nothing really occupying my time, and no real energy to start a new project. I've talked before about how I have real self-worth issues, and how I've gone to great lengths to try and prove to myself that I am a worthy person -- some days, it's harder to convince myself of it than others. There are so many reasons for why I can question my inner worth, and no matter how upbeat I try to be, sometimes the funk wins out. I guess this is just one of those times.

6 comments:

Songbird said...

Hang in there! She comes home tomorrow night, right?
(((KLee)))

ccw said...

Big hugs! So sorry you are feeling down.

Offspring will be home today. Hopefully that will help.

I do not understand what is wrong with the GS moms, but don't beat yourself up over the girl not returning. You didn't do anything wrong.

Hope you have a wonderful 4th!

Sue said...

((KLee))

I wish I could come and make you a cup of tea and hang out for the afternoon. I hope you are feeling better soon.

And don't give those obnoxious GS moms any space in your head. I'm glad they won't be back to torment you this coming year, but I also wonder about the girls and whether they had any say in it.

Phantom Scribbler said...

Aw, I'm sorry that you had to deal with that woman again, whatever her issues are. But the failure is not yours. Definitely not. Now we just need to convince you to give up the funk. (Gotta have the funk!)

Mary Beth said...

I think if you are a GS leader you are a hero and the heck with the moms. You can't please all the people, etc.

Sorry about the funk and hope things improve. Be gentle with yourself!

liz said...

Hugs, hugs, kisses, and hugs.