Friday, September 16, 2005

The Weirdo Magnet

You know -- I'm beginning to think that I just attract all the weird people in my general vicinity. They may not be drawn to precisely me, but there's an energy field or something about me that makes them think they can let go all of their scruples, morals, bodily functions, whatever.

Here are some examples of the weirdity:

*Today at work, I was toodling along, happily, in my classroom, getting ready for the end of the day. There was a knock at the door, and a man wearing a yellow shirt poked his head in the room. He says that he's with a maintenance crew, and they're laying down pellets to kill off the fire ants. He wants us to keep the kids away from the pellets. Okay, good to know, we think. Our head custodian arrives a few minutes later, and we casually mention to him about the guy and the crew finally working on the ant problem. He frowns, and says there's not supposed to be any crew out there today. He finds the guy still wandering around, and asks him who is he, does he have permission to be on campus, has he signed in at the office, etc. Yellow Shirt says, yeah -- his crew is on the other side of the campus with the truck, and the Principal arranged all this, yada, yada, yada... The head custodian, feeling something was not quite kosher here, goes to the main office. He learns no one has signed in as being on campus, the Principal has NO idea what this guy was talking about, and that anyone who ever comes to the school will always be in our school system's uniforms. The uniforms are grey jumpsuit-looking things. Head Custodian and the Principal head out the door, and see Yellow Shirt hauling ass away from the school on a *bicycle.* They give chase, but he cuts through a church parking lot into the woods, and is quickly lost. Was he just some random whackjob? Was he a non-custodial parent, looking for a particular child? Was he some guy looking for an unoccupied classroom to steal things? We may never know. That's the danger of having an open campus. We locked our classroom door for the rest of the day.

*Last night, JF, Offspring, and I went to JF's favorite haunt of late -- a local Mexican restaurant. We went to have a nice, leisurely dinner. At the table behind us, however, a marriage was fracturing. The man, who either has made a lifetime habit of abusing WAY too many drugs or has had some sort of stroke, is at once trying to piss off *and* placate his wife. He keeps daring her to leave, but getting mad when she tries. I hear very little of his side of the conversation, due to the fact that he's facing away from me. The woman is a lot more strident, and walks out twice, only to return both times. She keeps saying the marriage is over, and at one point, even throws food at him. People -- if your marriage is disentegrating, it's probably best if you don't have that discussion in public. That way, other people don't have to hear the horrible things you say to each other, and they don't get spattered with your dinner leavings in the process.

*A student asks me today when I'm going to have my baby. I let the little guy know that there's *not* a baby in there, that Mrs. K is just a little too porky for these pants. He's crushed when he finds out he's made an error. He says that he really wanted to play with my baby when it was borned. I offered him a sticker instead, and that seemed to have resolved the issue. Too bad it doesn't make my hips any less wide.

*(Okay, this didn't happen recently, but it's still proof positive that I'm surrounded by frickin' weirdos...) I once had a boyfriend in college break up with me because he felt his job was suffering. He said that he didn't want to hurt me, but he felt like he really needed to devote more time to his work. That would have been admirable in some circumstances, but he worked at Home Depot. It's not like he was a brain surgeon.

*We just paid off the mortgage on our house in June, but we have yet to receive the deed. I try and try to get an actual human on the phone for days, but it hasn't seemed to pan out yet. Before we paid off the mortgage, we got one last bill that told us that the remaining money in the escrow account would cover the property taxes. Today, we get a bill for the quarterly taxes. Do *we* pay this bill? Does the mortgage company take of this until the end of the year? Should I pay it, or forward the bill to the mortgage company? Will I EVER get a straight answer? Will I ever talk to an actual human who can help me?

*I realized the other day that I may be out $250. I had had to pay this money in advance for a conference I'm attending, but was then granted "financial assistance." I got $225 in assistance. While I'm really glad that I got the assistance because it'll really help with extra costs like gas and meals, do I get reimbursed for the money I've already laid out, or should I just call it even, and not make a big deal out of it? Shouldn't someone from the company have contacted me about this?

My best friend just called (OzChick works with me at my school as well) and was wondering what the deal was with Yellow Shirt. When she went to the office at the end of the day on an errand, she saw the Principal, a police officer, a *campus* Police officer, the Assistant Principal, the teacher who is our official "problem solver", and another teacher all huddled together. They were debating the whole Yellow Shirt fracas, and trying to find out who he might have been, and why he was there. All she was told was that we had an "intruder situation."

*sigh* Weirdness abounds.

UPDATE: I just wanted to add that I thought of another weird thing -- I was commenting to R2K's about JF and his all-pervasive juggling habits. He carries his leather juggling bags with him everywhere we go. They are more appropriately called "bags", but we often refer to them as "balls." He takes the balls with him to work, to the beach, to the grocery store, to the Mall, to restaurants, with us when we go camping.... He will often ask me to put them in my bag, and it freaks people out to hear him in, say -- WalMart -- saying, "Honey, will you put my balls in your purse?" People look at him very shocked, until they see him, with five balls in his outstretched hands, and me with an open pocketbook.

And, if we happen to be in Wal-Mart without his juggling balls (which almost never happens) he entertains people with his stunning Toilet-Plunger Juggling routine.

As I said -- weirdness magnet.

20 comments:

Running2Ks said...

Eeew, on yellow shirt guy--scary to have him around kids.

And, I really didn't want to laugh about the baby thing--and I totally wouldn't have if an adult said it (because that happened to me)--but the kid, the sticker, too funny.

As for property taxes, they send you the bill, but the mortgage company pays it out of escrow.

Now, if I can focus on my Home Depot career... LOL!!!!

KLee said...

Yellow shirt guy was scary, but only after the fact. I mean, he was totally believable. until we found out he wasn't who he said he was.....

I guees I should just keep a bunch of stickers around for when people mistakenly ask me if I'm pregnant.

I wouldn't count on it about the escrow. They already tried to sell our house from underneath us once. They never paid one of the tax bills, and didn't notify us about it. The only way we found out is when we got a notice from the Tax Assessor's Office that the city intended to auction the house off to pay the back taxes.

Yeah, yeah....focus real hard on that Home Depot career! :) See -- I *still* get crap about that, and it was, oh...16 years ago. :)

ccw said...

Creepy guy! And with an entire story, too. Yuck!

I hate to tell you this, but your vlog is beginning to interfere with my career, so I might have to wuit reading! :) That is so funny, I can't remember where the hammers go.

It does sound like you might attract some weirdos. I attract people who assume that I am as white and conservative as they are, so they feel free to make comments to me that I find offensive. I think I would rather have the weirdos, minus creepy yellow shirt guy.

KLee said...

CCW -- did you get an accent all of a sudden?:) You've gone all Transylvanian on me! "Qvit reading my vlog!" :)

I know what you mean about the people assuming you're as white and conservative as they are -- remember, I live in the Bible Belt, and I am *routinely* amazed at the things that come out of people's mouth. You are not alone in that respect.

I would rather have a normal life, especially without weirdos like Yellow Shirt. That's not only weird, but potentially dangerous. The guy could have been almost anyone. And, he could have been armed. Scary to think about.

ccw said...

Ok I swear I typed blog not vlog. It appears haloscan changed my comment or else I am suffering more from lack of caffeine than I realized.

Songbird said...

KLee, Pure Luck picks up balls in all kinds of stores and juggles them. I'm always a little worried by it.

allison said...

OK, KLee...this made me laugh. Just yesterday, as I was supposedly bathing off in my bathroom in PRIVATE, naked, our 4 year old walks in. I'm leaning over the sink, brushing my teeth, and he says, "Mommy, that's so funny", and POKES at my slack and stretch mark ridden belly. I say, "what, son, what's so funny?", hoping I misinterpreted the situation. Nope, I got it just right. "That, Momma, that (poking the jiggling skin again), that is SOOO silly." I think I went and had a few glasses of wine...I don't remember now. I just remember feeling old, and gross, and old, and old!

halloweenlover said...

Klee! That is scary! I would have been freaked out! What were the pellet things anyway? Or were there really any pellets?

And the little boy, someone NEEDS to start educating him on the things one should not be saying to people. I'll have you know that the grandfather of a little boy I used to babysit for asked me when I was due. I was like, uhhh due with what? His mom was MORTIFIED. People are clueless sometimes. The sticker part was rather amusing. You having to console HIM!

The couple is just sad. Why would you make a scene like that in public?

JF is too funny.

liz said...

I'd love to see JF's juggling routine.

And you do NOT look pregnant.

KLee said...

Songbird -- yes, but does he juggle *toilet plungers and brushes?* In fact, on our weekly excursion to WalMart this weekend, he amused both children AND adults with the much-sought-after toilet brush juggling. He has also been known to juggle produce, but only when store employees aren't around, because they make him buy the stuff he drops and bruises.

Allison -- I know. Out of the mouths of babes, huh? I wore makeup to school the first few days (something I hardly ever do, as makeup makes me break out) and Offspring said -- "You got a date, or something?"

As for my little guy, he was very disappointed that there was to be no forthcoming baby. I just told him, "Nope. I'm just a fat lady." :)

Halloweenlover -- It WAS scary. No, there *were* no pellets. The kids were all looking for them, and that's another thing that tipped us off that he wasn't who he said he was.

As for my little guy, he didn't mean to insult me. Kids at five are not intentionally nasty (most of the time) with inquiries like that. He got so upset because he realized he *had* made a boo-boo, and didn't want me to feel badly. Older kids, who KNOW they're being little schmucks -- my answer to stuff like "Ooooh -- you're really fat!" is "Yeah, you're right, I am fat, but *my* Mama taught me some manners." That usually shuts them up in a hurry. They don't expect to be agreed with AND I tag them back in the process.

Liz -- thanks for lying to me to try and make me feel better! :) I do look rather...um....hefty in the belly region. Hell, I'm hefty all over, but the belly is especially round. I guess it doesn't help that it still feels more comfortable to wear my pants hiked up to my nipples like when I was pregnant. *sigh* Fashionista, I'm not.

purple_kangaroo said...

Scary, wierd and funny. Hilarious post. I hope you find out what was going on with Yellow Shirt Guy.

I used to be able to juggle three apples while eating one, but I highly doubt I could still do it. I'd love to see JF juggle.

KLee said...

P-K -- he's totally *over* the whole apple thing. He can do it, but it's not difficult from a technical standpoint. People think it's hard, and they would rather see the apple thing than see someone juggle 10 balls. They don't realize that almost anyone who has enough coordination to juggle 3 balls can do the apple trick, while there are very few people in the world who can juggle 10 balls.

JF does do the apple trick, but normally for kids, because they think that's hilarious. Actually, he prefers more technical juggling -- juggling more balls, landing harder tricks -- to more "showy" and "circus-y" stuff than the apple deal.

He'll never be happy with his ability, though. He's a juggling perfectionist -- her wants to be able to pick up the balls, clubs, or rings, and execute a mind-blowing trick the first time out, and he gets really frustrated with himself when he can't live up to that.

purple_kangaroo said...

That's great . . . I never got past juggling 4 of anything, unless I was working with a partner. Juggling 10 balls is really, really hard to do. I'd be duly impressed if I saw him doing it!

KLee said...

He's not there yet! He's working on five. He's got four down very well, and doing significant tricks with four. He now has to progress to doing those same tricks with five. He's offered to put up some streaming video of him juggling if you'd like to see....

:)

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