Saturday, October 06, 2007

Remember?

Remember the days when you woke up, and the world was laid bare before you, full of promise? When each new day was an adventure to be hurtled into completely, and without forethought? Remember when you couldn't fall asleep for the anxiety, the wanting of the new day to begin?

Remember when you felt young and bullet-proof? Like nothing could possibly stop you from conquering the world? Like your star would burn bright for all time, and that you could almost burn up from the radiance?

I've lost that feeling lately, and I don't know how to get it back. I used to be this absurdly happy, pie-in-the-sky, Pollyanna-ish, disgustingly chipper person, and it's somehow gone. I don't know when I lost it, or why. I just look in the mirror, and know that I'm not happy with me anymore.

My life is great -- don't get me wrong -- I have a great family, a job that I feel blessed to do, and talents that many others express desire for, but something is not right with me. It's not depression, it's not dissatisfaction. It's just this hole where I once was. Where did I go?

10 comments:

Casey said...

(o)

Miche said...

Hope you get recharged and find your joie de vivre soon!

Jenevieve said...

((KLee))

ccw said...

You're still there just hidden by the things going on in life.

I hope you feel better soon!

Call if you want to talk.

(((KLee)))

liz said...

You're not getting enough sleep. It's easy to lose yourself when you're tired. Sleep and dreams will help you discover yourself again.



And like CCW, call me if you'd like to talk!

purple_kangaroo said...

(0)

Marni said...

Life comes at you so fast that you do seem to lose yourself. I'm trying to pull myself out of the same feelings you are having.

Take time for yourself. Let some things go that aren't worth worrying about. Pamper yourself...

And put me on the call list if you need someone to talk to.

Hugs!

Karyn said...

"Remember when you felt young and bullet-proof? Like nothing could possibly stop you from conquering the world? Like your star would burn bright for all time, and that you could almost burn up from the radiance?"

No. I never felt like that. I have halcyon moments of clarity and hopefulness but they are moments in a dark fabric of existence.

Doesn't stop me looking for myself. I know the real me is there somewhere.

Let me know if you find her while you're looking for yourself. We're a lot alike; hey - maybe we went to Disney for some R&R. It's hard not to feel fabulous there.

Shit. I'm so in the wrong place. Meet you outside POTC in ten minutes.

*hug*

amy said...

Ah KLee, I hope things turn around for you real soon. I volunteer for the call list, but to be honest, I've been mad and grouchity (grouchy + crotchety) for something like the last 5 months. If there's something I can do, though, please give a holler.

Bridget said...

hugs and feel betterwishes. take care of yourself, do something new, maybe, even if you have to drag yourself there.