At a Loss for Words

You know how sometimes you see an article in the newspaper, and you're almost 100% positive that monkeys chunked it out on typewriters? How else could we explain the lack of *actual* news in most, if not all, so-called "news" stories? How can you explain the great print coverage of such earth-shattering news of Brad and Angelina's latest exploits? Or the newest idiotic thing our President has broadcast to the world at large? What so-and-so wore at the Oscars? Or the world-changing study that Harvard scientists are doing to link together the comsumption of milk and adolescent obesity? Anything at all involving Paris Hilton?

No, that can't be true! Monkeys might actually make sense once in a while.

I was reading a local paper to discover a story about a routine traffice stop gone awry. What happened was this: A man is loitering in a known drug sales area. Police see the man, and decide to stop and question him. During the questioning, which is taking place on the street, the man panics, and decides to lock the doors to his vehicle with the keyless remote that's located in his pocket. Only, the suspect inadvertently hits the wrong button, and manages to pop the trunk instead. The police, being the highly-trained, inquisitive individuals that they are, see the trunk pop, and go around the back of the car to investigate. (At this point in time, it's my contention that the suspect should hereby nominate himself for the Darwin Awards "Honorable Mention" category.) In the trunk, the police find cocaine, crack, marijuana, and a 3 year old child. The police decide, based on the evidence in the car, they have due cause to search the man's apartment. They do, and find more drugs, a digital scale, and $160 in cash. The suspect is booked for possession of a controlled substance, and possession with intent to distribute. Here's the part that boggles the mind: There is no further mention of the child! Not word one. It's like they listed him (or her -- we don't even know the child's gender!) as yet another illicit substance that was stashed in the trunk for later distribution. We don't know who he is, even if he's alive or dead. Never mind why the hell he's in the freaking trunk!

As if that wasn't bad enough, the thought remains that some editor, somewhere, probably approved that story. No wonder I stopped taking the local paper.