Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Weird Baby Names

Wandering through cyberspace, I spent some time last night over at Not Without My Handbag's Bad Baby Names section. When I was done snorting up my lungs through my nose in utter hilarity (and utter shock) at what people choose to saddle their poor children with, name-wise, I began to ponder...

I've worked with children for about 10-12 years now, in one capacity or another. Here are some of the more interesting names that I've run across:

Wachovia -- these people named their child after a bank. What's next, Home Equity Loan, and her brother, Interest Due?

Lamarseillaise -- apparently, these parents saw the title of the French National Anthem, and though -- hm. That's make a good name for our son. Never mind that he'll never be able to fit it on any of his schoolwork! We'll just call him Lamar!

Sharmontez -- This child was teased unmercifully because of her name. It took her forever to learn how to spell it. Most people never did pronounce it right.

Pink -- This, sadly, was the name of a boy. And, also very sadly, because I live in the South, it almost always got pronounced "Pank." I'm not sure which incarnation is worse.

A trio of sisters named: Precious, Princess, and Heavenly Joy. I'm all for people finding names that mean a lot to them, but this was smarmy to the point of requiring antibiotics. Or, at least a hefty dose of insulin. And, following form, those kids were about the meanest little girls I've ever seen.

Quantonesha, and her big brother Quantavious -- nice kids. But, those poor, poor kids.

Then there was the kid that had about fifteen names : Michael John-Robert Alexander something something. After Alexander, I ran out of breath and had to regroup, so I never did learn his other two names. And, the *weird* thing about this poor child was that his parents wanted you to call him by ALL of the names! I told them "By the time I finish calling him, I forgot what I wanted him for!" They had run across so many baby names that they really liked that they finally chose them all.

Shamarlia -- I was just sorta wondering if they were trying to name this girl "Shalimar", but couldn't remember how to spell it....

There have been countless others, but if I reveal too many at one time, you'll all think I'm just doing it for comic effect. I won't hit you with the full load of them now....I'll just save them up to pop them into conversation to liven things up. We'll be chatting along, and suddenly, I'll just let fly with "Shawndreia AnJanae!" And you'll all bust a gut with mirth. :)

What are some of the more...um.....unique names you all have seen?

23 comments:

Songbird said...

I have a nephew named Chase; maybe he should meet Wachovia!

Angry Pregnant Lawyer said...

(We called it "Walk-all-ovah-ya" when we were in college.) So sad, so sad....

corndog said...

Funnel Cake has a friend who heard about a girl named "Clitorious."

KLee said...

Before JF and I married, he had a bank account at "Walk-All-Ova-Ya", and that quickly changed. They were blood-suckers. Still are, from what I hear!

Corndog -- that's hilarious! I would NOT be albe to say that child's name without laughing!

Phantom Scribbler said...

I spent all day on that name site yesterday. My ribs still hurt from laughing so hard. But Quantavious? Oh, the humanity!

KLee said...

I, too, laughed until I hurt. I just woke JF up from laughing so hard at some of the names.

Yep. Poor little Quantavious. He was a dear, sweet little boy, but as clueless as he could be. His mother, however, was wrapped tighter than a debutante with new tits. She was a piece of work.

Beanie Baby said...

Oh, poor kids.

I remember once reading about a "Donald Duck." I can't remember how the last name was spelled, but it was pronounced duck, and his parents decided to call him Donald.

Why? Why why why?

Juggling Freak said...

I still say the "unfortunate name" list will be forever topped by the NASCAR driver: Dick Trickle..

KLee said...

I still snicker like a gradeschooler at the name "Dick Trickle!" For God's sake, go by "Rich" or something!

I used to go to church with men named "Harry Butts" and "Harry Pitts." I don't think either of them lucked out in the name business, but Mr. Butts has the more unfortnate of the two.

Jen said...

Oh, my god, I just found your blog and WHAT a reward! I teach, but haven't yet amassed the collection of doozies you have.

My partner, however, really has some winners. She once taught Kendra, sibling to Kenya and Kenyarda, and her next door neighbors had twins named Dorita and Delvita (sadly we don't know how Delveeta was spelled...). We know (from two different, reliable sources) of siblings named Lemonjello and Oranjello, pronounced luhMONgelo and orONgelo.

ccw said...

Too funny! My favorite are not the weird ones, but the ones were the parents just didn't think of what it could be. I know a Harry Peters and a Dick Little. Poor guys!

KLee said...

Welcome Jen, and ccw! i'm glad that you are both here. (I hope you enjoy it -- I don't bite. Much.)

I know people like to give their children "unique" and special names -- my own child has a not-exactly-run-of-the-mill name (well, it wasn't when we named her....)but, come on, people!

At least have the common decency to NOT name your child something vaguely sexual.

Jen said...

And then again, perhaps I spoke too soon. It appears I'll be teaching a "Xristian" this year.

Zoe said...

oh wow, those are some pretty odd names! It is pretty bad people name their kids like that. But I remember back when I was in grade school I had a Gym teacher named Harry Ballz. No lie.. he ended up changing his name to Ted :D

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