Tuesday, August 16, 2005

And the laughs just keep coming....

Sitting at home tonight, the Offspring asks me two monumental questions:

1) Mom, will you pull my tooth?

Now, this may not see like a lot to all of you out there in BlogLand, but it is here at the KLee/JF household. Our child is notoriously weenie about teeth, taking medicine, and putting ointment or other assorted medical-type stuff on owies. This is my child, the one who shrieks with pain when you bring the ointment into the same zip code as the aforementioned owie. My child, who once vomited at the mere *thought* of taking medication that would make her feel better. My adorable progeny who panics at the merest pinprink of blood -- and who also requires a bandage that would do an amputee proud, to cover said owie.

She had been worrying this tooth for a few days, and I hadn't been much concerned with it. This afternoon, when I pick her up from school, her tooth is the first thing she tells me about. It's hanging on by the slenderest of threads. I offer to pull it for her, knowing she'll refuse. It's another one of my ploys to become World's! Most! Horrible! Mother! (insert trumpet fanfare here.) We go home, getting to homework and other housely duties. When JF arrives home, she suddenly gets a big bout of cojones from some deep, inner recess and asks me to pull the tooth. She bites her lip and asks, "Will it hurt?" I told her it would be like a pinch - it would hurt for just a second, but it would be over just as fast, and then she'd have some money from the Tooth Fairy. (Yes, my child, at age nine, still believes in the Tooth Fairy, and I humor her. I figure that there's not enough magic in the world already; who am I to spoil it for her?) The tooth comes out quickly, and the Offspring proudly shows her father. *sigh* She's growing way too fast.

The second question comes as I'm helping her condition her hair.

2) "Mom, can you help me? I've been thinking about death a lot lately, and I'm worried that I'm gonna die soon." I try to calm her fear, but since death is very imprecise, I say I can't promise her that she won't die soon, but that the odds are greatly in favor of her living a long, wonderful life. All of her immediate grandparents are still alive. My grandmother, who is now 86, is still alive and vital. The track record would indicate that she's not due for a meeting with the pearly gates for a long, long time. I tell her that she should try not to think about it, because it will only stress her out, and there's no sense in worrying about something you really can't control or predict. Her response is another puzzling question: "Do you think I'm having a mid-life crisis?"

14 comments:

purple_kangaroo said...

Awww.

Songbird said...

Amazing, aren't they?

Running2Ks said...

A mid-life crisis--already? She may be having a few of those. That is incredible--what they think so young. And congrats on the tooth. We are just waiting for that around here. You spend 2 years waiting for them to come in, just to turn around in a blink and wish them all out.

liz said...

That's. So. Adorable.

I'm dying from the sweetness.

RussianViolets said...

I love and adore the Offspring. Can you hear my biological clock ticking?

KLee said...

As soon as I figure out how to post pictures (and get off my lazy butt and *take* some pictures) I'll have to post them.

RussianViolets -- you want the Offspring? I'll sell her to you cheap! :) Well....her father might have something to say about that, and I think we only recently got all her hospital payments from birth paid off. :) However, if that clock ticks too luod, you're always welcome to borrow her.

R2Ks, isn't that the truth about the teeth? Also, you wish and wish for two to three years for your children to talk and then walk,so you can finally communicate with them and interact with them, and then you spend the next 15 years telling them to sit down and hush up. :)

I thought the "midlife crisis" thing was hilarious. I told her if you're hitting your midlife crisis now, we've got a lot of growing up to do in a few short years! :)

I'm beginning to dread the teen years, and they are still 4 years away.

Jenevieve said...

My mom said that my sister and my teen years were the easiest years for her- if we got too angry and walked out, she knew we were responsible enough not to do anything too stupid. However, she also said they were her favorites because we were *finally* old enough to go out clubbing and bar-hopping with her, so maybe her judgment isn't as sound as it could be!

Yankee T said...

Aw, the Offspring...adorable.

Running2Ks said...

LOL, KLee--my friend and I were JUST saying today how we tell our kids to "quiet down" and then get all nervous when things are "too quiet".

Anonymous said...

Ewww.... the tooth thing. Can you really do it? Pull it out, that is? I would never let my mom do that to me, and I can't imagine that I'll be able to do it for my kiddos. Is it required as part of mom-ness, do you think?

"lostinthemiddle"

KLee said...

Lostinthemiddle -- she's never asked me to pull a tooth before, and yes, I pulled it. I don't think it was all that icky, though...it was *barely* hanging in there. Had it been still pretty firmly rooted, I would have told her to wait. I'da been too much of a pantywaist to pull it. I don't mind blood, but making my baby bleed....no, thank you.

Another way I earned my Worst! Mother! Ever! title was when she was an infant, I was attempting to cut off those razor blades she had for baby fingernails (how do they stay so freakin' sharp?!?)and cut skin instead. She howled like I'd lopped an arm off, and I cried for an hour.

I don't think it's a necessary part of mom-ness, but I do think that moms become very blase about blood, poo, vomit, and snot very quickly. I teach kindergarten, and I'm up to my ears in various bodily fluids, and the only thing that still really makes me nauseous is vomit. I think you grow used to it. *That's* mom-ness.

suzanhyssen said...

Two great posts in a row (LOVING the graduation story).

Offspring sounds hilarious and smart. Very impressive.

Phantom Scribbler said...

KLee, I'm the worst mom ever because I cut baby LG's fingernails once, nicked him, and the cut got INFECTED. He had to have antibiotics and wear a sock over the hand for a week. Yikes!

If fear of death is what midlife crises are all about (and, wise Offspring, I think it is), then LG had his first one about a year ago. Perhaps Offspring could help talk him through his next one...

KLee said...

They should get together and form a mini-adult self-help group. God knows, I got nothin'.