Sunday, July 31, 2005

Sunburn and vulgarity!

Hope everyone had a relaxing weekend...Our trip to the beach was fun, but tiring. It seemed to suck all of the energy right out of us. JugglingFreak took a nap earlier today, and that's something he *never* does. He doesn't even nap when he's sick.

My mother brought enough food to feed the Trojan Army, but then again, she always does. (At least on this occasion, I got away without her making Ziploc bags full of leftovers for me to take home with me. The last time we visited, she nagged and nagged me to take home some squash casserole. JF is the only person in our house who likes squash casserole, so I tried to decline. She tucked some into an outside pocket of my bag, without telling me. I only discovered this gold mine three days later after wandering around the house with a bottle of Febreeze -- "*Where* is that smell coming from?!?!?". So, my mother can cut you to ribbons with her accurate assesment of your failings, or she can bombard you with leftovers. Choose your poison.)

We ate until we popped, and many beers were consumed by everyone (except me and the Offspring). The weather was temperate enough that we weren't miserable, but still packed quite a punch. (My daughter informs me that my ears are "nuclear red.") We all got a touch of sunburn, but nothing too painful.

A highlight of the trip was when my parents had a very loud and epithet-filled argument with each other. I try to explain to the Offspring that this is what happens when two very forceful personalities collide -- much like warm air and cold air meeting to form storms. The tension is suddenly diffused when my mother....um....fired off a rectal salvo. That's my parents -- fighting like cats and dogs one minute, rolling helplessly with mirth and telling fart jokes the next.

"Sky High" was on tap for today. We enjoyed it. It was definitely a summer kind of movie. It had supporting roles played by Kevin McDonald and Dave Foley, both former "Kids in the Hall" members; and Lynda Carter as the school's principal. It was a coming-of-age story, but in superhero fashion. Kelly Preston and Kurt Russell play the superhero parents, and the popular kids at Sky High are portrayed with ruthless accuracy. All in all, it was a fun family film, and there were moments of humor that adults will enjoy. I was especially fond of the performances by McDonald and Foley. I always loved "Kids in the Hall," and am glad to see the two of them in just about anything.

Now, if I could just have a vacation to recuperate from my vacation! I will be travelling out of state later this week, only to come home and leave once again for an overnight training class. And, then school starts....Are the parents of school-agers ready?

12 comments:

purple_kangaroo said...

Thanks for the laugh! The squash in the pocket incident really hit my funnybone tonight. You should hear me sitting here laughing.

Running2Ks said...

Yikes I am so tired reading this. And your description--the epithets--the 2 fronts--priceless.

corndog said...

Not to draw your attention to what may be a disturbing image, but your parents make-up sex must be hilarious.

Running2Ks said...

Corndog, you went THERE? Ack and oh no, and now you have me thinking of parents doing it--and they aren't even MY parents.

Phantom Scribbler said...

LOL at you both, KLee and Corndog. KLee, I must point out that you win some sort of prize for the most (and most entertaining) comments on a brand-new blog.

I love the fart-as-truce element of this story.

KLee said...

Oh -- Corndog! I will have to tell you some stories! (Those may be another post in of themselves!) Nah, i'll go ahead and spill....

When my mother and my father divorced, we moved to another suburb. We rented a 2-story house. My mother had the top floor -- it was just one large bedroom and bathroom with an outdoor deck. My bedroom sat directly below hers. The airconditioning vents in the floor of her bedroom led directly into the ones in my ceiling. One morning, I had to get up after she'd had the man who is now my stepdad over, and say (with a very red face) "Mom? Could you please put a pillow or towel over your vents in your room at night?" When she asked why, I had to say (to my *mother*) "Because you're a moaner." She still didn't get it, so I had to tell her that I had heard everything from the night before. Oh, talk about awkward!

Another time, in the same house, my soon-to-be stepdad was staring out in contemplation upon the golf course. He had not heard me enter the front door, and come into the kitchen behind him, or if he'd heard me, he assumed I was Mom. He announces: "LC (Mom), I really like pussy." To me. I broke up, laughing. It's still a family joke to this day.

(Top that, Corndog! :)

Running2Ks said...

ok, will someone please sew up my sides?

mc said...

Oh. My. God. I'm envious of you for having a family that can (1) say that stuff and (2) laugh about it later. Impressive!

corndog said...

I can't possibly top that, but 2 points:

1) At least your mom's not a screamer.

2) Women are always complaining that men don't share their thoughts and feelings, but like the comedian Larry Miller observed, "If they knew what we were really thinking, they'd never stop slapping us." Or in your Step-Dad's case, laughing at us.

KLee said...

Corndog commiserated with me over the fact that at least my mom's not a screamer. How surreal can this world get?!?!

My stepdad also waxed eloquent on the beach, saying that sure, she was loud, but he'd still nail her. I ask you -- *nail* her?

I had a friend put forth the thought a few days ago that men are actually the smarter of the sexes. When both his wife and I stopped smacking him, we asked how he came by that fanciful notion. He said that men *must* be the stronger and smarter sex because they not only hold down jobs and carry on conversations, but also because they do all of this WHILE thinking about sex every six seconds. So, ergo, men must be smarter because they can multitask. I asked him if he'd ever seen a mother with a baby, trying to clean house -- there's multitasking for you! He responded by querying had I ever seen a mother with a baby, trying to clean house *and* sporting a woody? I had to admit that I hadn't.

Man, the battle of the sexes are a bitch.

Songbird said...

All the time I've been blogging, I've never generated comments like these, Klee!
When are you going to tell about the graduation party? (It was a graduation party, wasn't it?)

Jenevieve said...

Klee, you have the funniest blog (and comments) I've seen in awhile. Thanks!