Thursday, June 26, 2008

For CCW


This is a t-shirt that we found in the window of a funky little shop in Myrtle Beach. I knew *immediately* that I had to take a picture. Of course, it's taken me forever to POST it, even though my long-suffering husband spotted the shirt, took the picture, and shrunk said picture down to a manageable size to fit on this blog.


cat
more cat pictures

Don't you *love* I Can Has Cheezburger?

Please to enjoy!

A Complete Failure

22

As a 1930s wife, I am
Very Poor (Failure)

Take the test!




As seen at Miche's place -- I can honestly say that I'm neither surprised nor upset to be a dismal failure at this particular test. I think I knew I'd blown it when I realized that I either a) wear a soiled apron while I cook my husband his dinner -- or, heaven forbid, *pyjamas*!, or b) I can't seem to even WEAR hosiery, much less keep the seam in them straight!

Oh, well. As they say, well-behaved women rarely make history.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Just For Fun

I got an invitation, rather unexpectedly, the other day from an old Girl Scout friend. The invite was to a "all-day craft event" at her house for this coming Thursday evening. I haven't seen much of this friend this year because I bowed out of leading a troop, so my Girl Scout exposure has been minimal. While our relationship hasn't suffered, it is a change when you're used to being around someone all the time and then that time suddenly just drops off. I was looking forward to an afternoon of food, friends, fun, and fellowship.

My friend and I exchanged a few emails about the upcoming party, which I am excited to attend. The other inhabitants of my house are decidedly NOT as gung-ho about the crafty stuff, so it would be nice to be with other like-minded individuals for a while. Not that I don't love my family, but you all know what I mean, right?!

I finally got tired of trading emails back and forth when we live about ten minutes away from each other, so I picked up the phone. We talked back and forth about the new scrapbook store that opened up here in our town, and about the new stamping and crafting gadgets that are on the market. We speak for a bit about Offspring, who began her Scouting career in this lady's troop. Friend marvels at how far she's come from a shy five-year-old.

Imagine my surprise when later that night, as I'm cleaning up my bedside bookshelf (which was so crammed with books that it exploded when I barely touched it), I find Offspring's Daisy Girl Scout scrapbook. I forget that she was ever than small. Just for fun, I think I'll take it along with me on Thursday, to remind Friend why I'm glad that I know her.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

A Bit Problematic

Our school was on the last tax referendum to get a new wing. We've all been very excited at the prospect of moving out of our dinky trailers and into real! actual! classrooms! Even though our building won't be ready until the 2010 - 2011 school year, the land has to be cleared and readied for construction. Next year will be the "clearing and readying the land" year. The *following* year will be the construction year. (Though why it takes two full years to clear the land and construct a building, I'll never know. After all, it is the government. I suppose I should have expected that.) Which, as far as we're concerned, means that as many people as possible had to be housed inside the main school building for this coming school year. So, the great classroom shuffle has begun.

We're moving from our teeny little double-wide trailer (actually only ONE-HALF of a dinky little double-wide trailer) to this humongous (former second-grade) classroom. The only problem is that the powers that be scheduled the floors to be cleaned and waxed. That means that all the furniture has to be placed on the one small carpeted area. Normally, this wouldn't present a problem, but it means that the former teacher who occupied that room has yet to move all of her furniture out, because the room that she's moving to has yet to have the floors done. That in turn means that we can't move our stuff in because her stuff is still taking up most of the space. And the trash left on the floor! Oooh, we won't even go into that.

But, for now, it looks like I'm going to be next door to a teacher that I've grown fairly close to over this year. Hope things stay that way, and that there are no further upheavals in my schedule.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

The Ever-Popular Bullets of Randomness

Sorry for the long silence. It's been a busy and not-so-glorious last few weeks.

* Thanks to everyone who contacted me regarding my last post. I really appreciate all of your kind words and thoughts. To be honest, I wasn't seeking approval and compliments with that, it was just something that was really bothering me, and I felt like maybe I could write all the pain out of me if I tried hard enough. Didn't work, but I did feel better enough to finally go to sleep. It was a very disheartening evening for me, and those of you who mailed and called really helped me work through the funk.

* Both my show and school are over. (Thanks be to all benevolent forces out there.) Last show was June 8th, and last day of school was yesterday, June 13th. I just have to get all my crap moved to the new classroom and fill out some last minute paperwork, and I'm clear.

* Got Offspring off this weekend for a Girl Scout Field trip. It's weird not having her in the house. Sat on the couch, watching "Juno" with Juggling Freak, and then went and spent lots of money at the grocery store.

* I also signed up for Facebook, and have been busy playing all the neat little game widgets there.

* Made 14 stationery sets for people at school, and a scrapbook. Now, I need to make three or four greeting cards, and I think I'm good for a bit.

What's all up with you?

Monday, June 02, 2008

Hurt

This evening, before the show, we had our vocal warm-up and our director addressed us as he does before every performance. He passed out discs with the promised pictures that had been taken by the photographer on our final dress rehearsal evening.

Most of the pictures were great. The colors were brilliant, and there were often moments of such clarity that they jumped right off the screen. I could hear the songs, bursting from the actors' mouths. I could see the quick dance steps, and feel the hot stage lights on my skin.

I, however, was in none of those shots. Almost every picture of me is terrible. Now, I am my own worst critic -- and I'll be the first to tell you that. I often don't like pictures of myself. I find it an exhausting and demoralizing experience, this taking of pictures. The light is harsh and unforgiving, the artificiality of all the props and backdrops make the whole thing seem pointless and juvenile.

But this -- this was something else entirely. I know I'm fat. I know it in the way that I know I'm female, or that I know I breathe air. I know it the way I know the curve of my daughter's cheek, or the feel of my husband's warm palm nestled within mine. But, there is a big difference in knowing it, and truly grasping it. I grasped it tonight. I was appalled at how bad I look. I am huge.

God, how it hurts to say that. To know that. To see, with my own eyes how much larger I am than everyone else out there. To see the rolls of fat even under my costume, even at a distance. To know that, while under those hot stage lights that are so unforgiving. My multitude of sins there on stage with the rest of us. Taking up so much room; the silent participant.

I lay in bed tonight, tears rolling down my face as I remember the pictures that I saw earlier. Is that how other people see me? Is that really the way I look to them? How I burn with shame to know why people look at me the way they do. To finally, irrevocably, get it. How shameful it is to feel so bad, to look so bad.

I had this mental image of me, and what I feel like inside my own mind does not match up with what I see on the screen. Have I been lying to myself all this time? Has it all been one long self-delusion of massive proportions? How could I let this happen? How can anyone love this?

Friday, May 30, 2008

This Really Burns My Biscuits

I got sucked into Bravo's Top Chef last season, and have been watching this season from the very beginning. From episode one, I really liked Richard -- he seems very down-to-earth and genuinely nice (something a lot of the other competitors, past and present, have seriously lacked.) Plus, Richard lives in Atlanta these days, and I have to root for the guy who lives in my neck of the woods.

The last few episodes have been very frustrating to watch. There has been one competitor who has consistently been in the bottom rung on almost every elimination, and who has managed to squeak through. This is not all that unusual, as the judges tend to send home those who make really egregious errors, and pass over those who merely did not shine. It so happens that this year's "skate by on the skin of my teeth" contestant is Lisa.

What really grates on me about Lisa is that she is completely unable to accept criticism. In every episode, when she's brought before Judge's Table, her body posture is so defensive and rigid. She refuses to take anything the judges say to heart, which will ultimately lose her this competition. She also has the nasty habit of throwing the other contestants under the bus in order to save her own skin. In front of the judges a few episodes ago, she basically tattled that another contestant had not followed the letter of the challenge, despite the fact that she'd done the self-same thing the episode before that! This, to me, was inexcusable. I mean, I know it's a contest, but that's beyond the pale.

It seems, by reading the blogs associated with the show, that most other people feel the same way. Dale was another contestant who was eliminated in episode 11, and should not have been. Lisa should have been eliminated first, though I hold on deep love for Dale. Dale was abrasive and fairly open about the fact that he wanted to win, but he's a damn sight better chef than Lisa. Dale, at least, won some of the eliminations and quickfire challenges, AND got lots of compliments from the judges. Lisa hasn't been anyone's favorite that I can recall.

Not that this is that earth-shattering a topic, but it was on my mind.

Friday, May 23, 2008

The Verdict

Opening night went pretty well, except for me flubbing an entrance. One of the other cast members, however, knocked over what is supposed to be a stationary urn. I figure my flubbed entrance did no damage to the actual set, so I should be grateful that I wasn't MORE embarrassed because it could have been a lot worse.

Did pretty good in the dance that I generally screw up, so it was a give-and-take sort of thing.

Glued my left eye shut with false eyelash glue and that burned like a son of a gun, and I had to redo the makeup on that side of my face.

Didn't fall over, didn't hurt myself, and didn't step on either of my dance partner's toes, so it wasn't too hideous.

Offspring and Juggling Freak came, which was nice. My mother and a couple visiting from England (friends of the family) may come sometime this weekend, so that will be nice.

Now, we're one down, twelve more performances to go. I'm tired, and probably will be for the next three weeks or so....

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Wish Me Luck!

Back from my self-imposed quietude to say:

My show opens tomorrow! Tonight's dress rehearsal was pretty good -- I had been messing this one dance up for freaking FOREVER, but I actually was pleased with my performance in it tonight.

We had a professional photographer there tonight, taking pictures, and at the end of the run, we are all presented with a disc of all the pictures. If there's a picture of me that doesn't look like a total doofus, and you all are interested, I'll post it. (Among all the other pictures that I've promised to post, and haven't yet gotten around to. So....look for it in about October, I guess, if I don't scrap the whole darn blog by then.)

So, wish me luck. In theater, we traditionally say "break a leg", but I did that last year, and I wasn't too thrilled with the result of that, so I'll just ask for good luck wishes, and all that bad theater karma be damned.

Friday, May 09, 2008

Trickle Down

Since posting has been rather thin and spotty of late -- mainly due to school, rehearsals, and, oh, that pesky "real life" thing -- I'm planning on phasing out this blog.

There are other reasons as well. I feel like my metaphorical well has run dry, and there's not many of you here to read the few things I post anyway. It's not all about the stats, though. If I was writing stuff I was happy with, it wouldn't matter. And I'm just not. I think that, almost three years in, that I've said almost everything worthwhile I had to say.

That having been said, I will still stay on as a Wednesday Whine moderator and still keep on reading my blogroll. I've made such wonderful friends through this blog (and others) and I don't want to lose that.

I may have a few more posts left in me before the flow slows down to more than a trickle. Thanks. For everything.

Monday, May 05, 2008

Hilarious, And Sad, All At The Same Time

Went to rehearsal last night, where I find that the choreographer has inserted me (and three others) into a dance number in which we were not previously included.

Very scary.

I'm most definitely *not* a dancer. Most of the moves are within my grasp, but my timing is atrocious. I turn half a second after everyone else, and I'm gallumphing around like a maddened wildebeest.

I'll just try to stay in the back and not kill or maim my dancing partner.

Friday, May 02, 2008

Pray For My Sanity

I'm headed off to the beach today, with my rambunctious little charges in tow. Everyone pray that no one drowns. Or that I have the urge to drown anyone.

Edited to add:

Back from the beach. No one died, though we did end up leaving two students behind at school who thought they didn't have to actually *do* the work we assign in class. Little did they know! Kids got soaked and sandy. I got a parking ticket. Hoo-freaking-ray. We saw little crabs and bivalves in the tidal pools, and watched a lifeguard chuck a jellyfish over the jetty to keep it away from nosy little fingers.

So, no one died, and no one got hurt. All in all, a successful field trip.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Back From DC


I spent this weekend in "our Nation's Capitol", but, unlike Forrest Gump, I did not spend any time with anyone named Jenny. Nor, unfortunately, did I get to spend any time with Liz. We were both overwhelmed by obligations, and did not get a chance to get together, much to my dismay.

I spent most of my time there in the Hyatt, attending a teacher's conference. I walked the few blocks to Union Station for lunch on Friday, and on Saturday to take a "Monuments By Moonlight" tour which began at the famous train station. That was about the extent of my jaunting around Capitol Hill. We drove past: the White House, the Supreme Court, the Thomas Jefferson Memorial, the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, the Museum of the American Indian, the Smithsonian (the Smithsonian castle, the Air and Space Museum, and about five other Smithsonians as well...), some of the House and Senate buildings, the Washington Monument, and even over the river to Arlington. The tour did stop at some locations, where we could get out and walk around for a bit.

Our first stop was the relatively new park dedicated to FDR. The area has lots of statues and fountains, and was awash in golden light from the many fountains and fallen cherry blossoms. We had thirty minutes to explore the park, and we all took advantage of the time to wander through the memorial. The section devoted to the the "Faces of the Depression" was haunting and lovely.

The next stop was across the river, into Virginia: the Iwo Jima Memorial. I had seen pictures of it, including the iconic image of the servicemen raising the flag over Mount Suribachi which the monument depicts, but there's nothing quite like standing in front of it.

After Iwo Jima, we drove past Arlington, and across the river again to the Lincoln Memorial. The Lincoln Memorial has three monuments on its grounds: the Lincoln Memorial (obviously...), the Korean War Memorial, and the Vietnam War Memorial. When we arrived, the sun was fully down, and there was a cool wind blowing. I headed first for the Korean War Memorial. There was something quite unreal about standing alone amidst the life-size statues who looked as if they'd merely been frozen in time. I was the only person around -- all of the others had headed straight for the Lincoln Memorial -- so it was quiet, with only the sound of the skittering cherry blossoms flowing around my ankles on the cooling breeze. The floodlights hit the statues, throwing faces from long ago into eerie shadow. The POW/MIA flag above the site fluttered with the wind. I walked away, feeling humbled; awed.

I walked through the dark paths, reading the names of countries chiseled into the granite as I headed for the Lincoln Memorial. As I reached the top of the monument, I turned to see the Washington Monument across the Reflecting Pool. It was breathtaking. Once inside the memorial, I stood at Lincoln's feet, and looked up at his marbled face, and wondered what he'd think of our country today.

Time was up all too soon, and I headed back for the trolley. The tour didn't stop at very many places, but I was grateful for having what little time I could squeak out for visiting the few I was able to see. I hope I'm able to visit there again one day, and to take my family with me. It really helps you put things into perspective when you can see it for yourself.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Gross Beyond Words

There is nothing more disgusting to me than to go into a bathroom stall (especially when you *really* have to pee) and sit down on what you thought was a clean, dry toilet seat -- only to find out that the seat was, in fact, not dry. So! Gross!

That is all.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Playing Catch-Up




It seems like forever ago when Marni visited my area. I promised that I'd get around to posting pictures, and I'm now keeping my promise, albeit very late.

Marni, her lovely husband Carl, and my family all met up at a local restaurant for lunch. We did not even attempt to go to That Restaurant That Everyone Wants to Go To When They Come To Town. It's virtually impossible to get seats there, unless you want to wait for a couple of hours, and we had better things to do with our time.

At the top, Marni and Carl relax after lunch. Middle photo, Marni and I cavort like wild hooligans, and the bottom picture is when we took a pit stop for some ice cream.

After lunch, we spirited the duo off for a walking tour of our area. We had a great time, and I hope we didn't freak Marni and Carl out too much. I really enjoyed their visit, and hope they come back soon!

Monday, April 14, 2008

Labels

It is the human condition to want to label things. To pigeonhole life into something that we can categorize and understand. And, for the most part, that makes sense. It's a skill you learn early, like how to sort toys, and how all the socks go in one specific drawer. Learning your colors is visual labeling in action-- grass is green, the sky is blue, and the sun is yellow. God's coloring book.

It becomes less sensible when you're talking about people, however. There is the tendency to label people, because that's an easy way to keep track of who is whom in this constant stream of faces that pass before you daily. "Oh, you know who I'm talking about! She's that tall black woman who has the piercing in her nose!" While we don't consciously intend to insult the person we're describing, it does seem sort of callous to codify our mystery lady solely by race, or height, or by what we might think of as her "exotic" jewelry.

Some labels are just darn hurtful: spic, lesbo, retard. Why should ethnicity, sexual orientation, or physical or mental infirmity carry any weight when we think of people? It shouldn't, and yet it does; quite often, in fact. I know I'm even guilty of it, and it's usually innocuous, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. I know that I'm often hurt deeply by the label "fat." It doesn't make it any less true, but it's a hurtful designation. I can imagine that it's also very painful to Latinos, lesbians, and the mentally handicapped. Small wonder.

We even label ourselves. Most of you reading this would happily add "blogger" to your life's CV. We pin on other labels as well: wife, uncle, mother, son, friend, teacher, pharmacist, human. It's the easy way out. We can group other people in with us -- with our likes and hobbies -- with barely a flutter of recognition that we may be putting a limit on what makes us who we are.

We are all so much more than the individual parts. I know that I would not be fully happy with only one label to my name. Is being a daughter more important than being a mother? Is being a wife not as important, somehow just *less*, than being a teacher? Why do we place such emphasis on ways to pin down who and what we are? When will we ever learn to appreciate each other for our diversity and unique talents instead of deriding them? It's far too cliche to say "Can't we all just get along?", but that's essentially what it boils down to. The human race is so competitive that we can rarely ever cheer on the 'other guy' without seeking to devalue him by placing a designation on him. And today, I just find that sad.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

First Rehearsal Impressions

Our first rehearsal was tonight, and I must say that I think I'm really going to like working with this director. He seems very organized and together, which is not at all typical for a lot of the directors that I've worked with in the past.

I'm not needed every night, so that means as little home-life disruption as possible. Which is a good thing. I mean, I want to get back into doing more theater, but I don't want it to be at the detriment of my family. JF was expecting to see me drag in at about midnight after tonight's run-through, but he was pleasantly surprised when I arrived home shortly after 8:30.

I do feel a bit "fish out of water" as the main body of the cast seem to be people who've worked with this director (and core group of actors, as well) before. I think it'll all be good.

Our first performance is at the end of May, and continue on into June -- 13 performances in all -- so I'll be walking around humming show tunes for a while.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Bullets Of Spring Break

Sorry, all -- I've been away for most of the week. The fam and I took a few short days of vacation while Offspring and I were out of school for Spring Break. We loaded up the car and headed for Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.

* I spent a lot of summers at Myrtle Beach as I was growing up. My aunt owns some condos there, so it was always easy to get away for some fun by the sea.

* We decided to go there because my aunt still owns those condos, and was generous enough to loan us one for the week at no charge (Thanks, Auntie B!) Juggling Freak and I went there on our honeymoon almost 16 years ago, and we were curious as to how the place had changed. Offspring had never been, so we looked on it as something new and different.

* We took lots of pictures, some of which I'll upload later. We played typical tourists, taking lots of pictures and embarrassing the snot out of Offsping. As we all know, this is the primary job of the parents of teenagers.

* KMart pretty much sucks no matter what state or city it happens to be in. We were in need of some supplies mid-week, and we happened to see a KMart, thinking we'd stop in and quickly grab what we needed. Silly me for thinking "KMart" and "quick" in relation to each other. The place was pretty busy, it being the beginning of the beach season and Myrtle Beach *is* a tourist haven, with people who have disposable income at the ready. We got the things that we needed, and started for the checkouts. There was ONE checkout open, with one woman who was slower than molasses as the cashier. Of course, since we're sort of in a hurry, we had an item that just! would! not! scan!!! and she had to go to another register to call the toy department for a price check. Which takes eons, of course. Finally, after about five people in line behind us have dumped their items and left in disgust, she rings the toy up at five dollars. We beat feet out of there quickly before we got caught up in an endless, mind-numbing loop.

* We spent a lot of time at Broadway at the Beach, which is a big shopping and dining area, along the lines of Downtown Disney, and had a great time. Got some good pictures of places around here, which I promise to post later.


Now, unfortunately, we have to get ready to get back into the grind of work, work, work. It was nice having some time off, but it's all too short.

Sunday, April 06, 2008

Not What I Wanted, But It's What I've Got

Friday night's callback went fairly well, I thought. I read for an older woman's role, complete with French accent. The dance portion of the audition kicked my butt from here to Nova Scotia, but the choreographer said that even when I was offstep or on the wrong foot, I still had very fluid, clean lines. Uh...yeah. Whatever.

The call came early this morning -- no speaking role, but a voice role in the chorus. It was a sop to my singing....we liked you enough to have you associated with the show, just not enough to give you a major part. Ah, well. At least I got a notification this time, and it's a foot back in the door. Community theater here (and most likely everywhere else, too...) is so insular and incestuous that it's hard to get into the inner circle, so this is a good way to transition back into more work. I'm slightly disappointed, but it's better by miles than not hearing anything at all. And, if this doesn't sound too terrible of me, someone could always drop out. I know that sounds positively awful, but the one thing about working as an unpaid volunteer is that people sometimes do drop out, and the role needs to be filled.

So, first run-through is a week from today. The two co-workers that I auditioned with are both cast as well. The female co-worker got a voice role, much like I did, and the male co-worker got a small older gentleman's role. I'm happy to be in the chorus, if nothing else.

----------------------------

We went to dinner tonight in a "famous" local bar and grill. We were seated near the game room, and there was a large party next to us that had about four children in tow. The parents were what I call the "yacht" set -- very Land's End/L.L. Bean yuppie types who care more for appearances than actual substance. There was an older girl who was about Offspring's age, a boy of about seven, a girl of about nine, and a toddler.

The kids started off in the game room, which had the swinging "saloon-style" doors. They were pretty noisy in there, but it wasn't so bad because it was, after all, a separate room. The doors did little to mitigate the noise, however.

After a while, the kids began running in and out of the game room, yelling and generally being rambunctious. We looked around several times, hoping the looks would get the parents to quiet them, but no dice. The parents were completely oblivious, sitting there eating their appetizers, drinking their little cocktails, and having a conversation.

Juggling Freak made a loud comment that the kids were being very loud, but this too, went unheeded. The kids proceeded to start turning flips over the brass railing that was next to the table behind us. The parents still do nothing to quiet the children down, or to get them to behave.

Then the kids start shouting as they flip over the bannister, and Juggling Freak has had enough. Usually, it's me that has had enough by this point, and I was on the verge of saying something out loud when JF lets loose. He says something about "why can't you little yard apes sit down and be f*#@ing quiet?!"

Well, of course, NOW the parents speed into action. The father puffs up like a little bantam rooster, and gets in JF's face saying NO ONE speaks to his kids that way; the mother stands there, stammering and red-faced that someone has *dared* speak to her precious babies; and the grandmother looks as if someone has smeared dung under her nose and told her that Martha Stewart really began her life as a streetwalker in Hoboken.

The grandmother gets all hot under the collar, saying that they come there every week, and that if we're so offended, we should move -- they *are* children after all. I calmly tell her that yes, they are children, but that we're dining with OUR child, and she has yet to vault over the brass railing like these children were doing. She reiterates that we're sitting next to the game room! Juggling Freak says, yeah -- it's a GAME room, not a Jungle Gym.

Snooty Grandmother acts as if we're just the most horrible people on the planet, and imperiously tells the others at their table to go get the manager to "deal with us." What makes me the maddest is that she acted like we were totally out of line, and she was perfectly within her rights to have us moved out of the way, as if WE were the people making the disturbance. Things eventually settle down, and everyone goes back to their meals. The wait staff look uncomfortable as they whisk away our dishes. The young man at the table behind us, however, gives Juggling Freak a thumbs-up as we leave the restaurant a few minutes later.

Friday, April 04, 2008

Some News

Well, I didn't have to wait too long -- I got a call yesterday morning, and they want to see me again for a second audition tonight! Wish me luck!

If I hear more, I'll keep you posted!