tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14917571.post7107570683160650311..comments2023-10-31T06:48:39.805-04:00Comments on The Reluctant Prophet: All The Naughty BitsKLeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00432371404842970536noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14917571.post-5128391987773364212014-07-13T00:07:21.132-04:002014-07-13T00:07:21.132-04:00xoxoxoxoKathynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14917571.post-76571146185769357942014-07-10T22:41:08.784-04:002014-07-10T22:41:08.784-04:00Yeah, I was way too young, but so, so needy. It&#...Yeah, I was way too young, but so, so needy. It's not something I'm proud of, and one of the reasons I tore myself up after the rape -- you WANTED to have sex, now you got what you wanted! -- and why I've tried to teach her a better way.... Why I wanted so bad for her not to make the same mistakes I made.<br /><br />She came home today, and acted normal. She had even bought me a book I was looking to buy, I think as a sort of peace offering. It was very sweet of her. She has stayed home, had a family dinner, and we have plans for lunch and a bit of school shopping. Maybe I got through a little.KLeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00432371404842970536noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14917571.post-30821133925387766102014-07-10T16:28:51.142-04:002014-07-10T16:28:51.142-04:00(((KLee))) That was the age I was when I first did...(((KLee))) That was the age I was when I first did some other sexual activity, and that I do regret very much.<br /><br />I've been talking with Muffin Man about sex on and off for several years (age-appropriately), but he's 12 now, and DEAR GOD, I was just a year older? WHAT WAS I THINKING?<br /><br />Hopefully he'll be more like your daughter, waiting until he's a grown-up. <br />Lizhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14687247995782738654noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14917571.post-52069051977554795312014-07-10T15:51:40.881-04:002014-07-10T15:51:40.881-04:00((( KLee ))) 13 is so young! I am so sorry. You ...((( KLee ))) 13 is so young! I am so sorry. You have done better. She has worked so hard, is doing so well. And she is much more mature now than you were then.<br /><br />It may not seem like Offspring is hearing you -- but I promise she is. <br /><br />I was older, 19. My only regret is having a crush that continued for some time; but the boy was a good guy and a friend. Kathynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14917571.post-84024152431931714882014-07-10T15:08:28.214-04:002014-07-10T15:08:28.214-04:00My first time was very early -- I was 13, I think,...My first time was very early -- I was 13, I think, and I craved love so desperately that I just wanted to take that step....if they want to sleep with me, they must LOVE me, right?<br /><br />It was awful, and I am still scarred, because that's not something you can do over. I have had so many regrets since then, and like most parents, I want so much more for my child. I want better for her. I want her to have more respect for herself than I did for me. <br /><br />I know I have to trust that she values herself more highly, but at the same time, I know she is not all that wise in the ways of the dumb-assery of boys. Not everyone is open and honest about their motives, and she is still much of a neophyte in some areas. It's hard. Am I doing the right thing? How long will she hate me for this? What if, what if, what if?KLeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00432371404842970536noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14917571.post-60181183237061310632014-07-10T14:40:02.223-04:002014-07-10T14:40:02.223-04:00KLee, you definitely were NOT giving permission. Y...KLee, you definitely were NOT giving permission. You were stating a fact. She's a grown-up, you can't forbid her. You can only state your preference, and hope that she continues to exhibit the great good sense she already has.<br /><br />As a comparison, my first time was while I was working at a sleep-away summer camp, far away from my folks. The guy was 18. I was 15. I was not fond of the experience, but I wasn't regretful per se.<br /><br />I wish I had waited longer, just because sex can lead to some pretty heavy grown-up stuff, but I wished THEN that I could have told my mom about it when he broke up with me two weeks later to date someone closer to his age (not about conquest, about being able to hold a conversation).<br />Lizhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14687247995782738654noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14917571.post-7658743298007861802014-07-10T11:18:51.313-04:002014-07-10T11:18:51.313-04:00If you had said NO, what would the outcome have be...If you had said NO, what would the outcome have been? Were you prepared to enforce that? How? <br /><br />Speaking from my own troubled relationship with my mother (who was not the kind of thoughtful and loving mom you are), that kind of ultimatum is an invitation for a smart young person to get sneaky and always have a plausible (but not necessarily true) cover story. <br /><br />xoxo Kathynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14917571.post-61266141463644882572014-07-10T10:28:56.887-04:002014-07-10T10:28:56.887-04:00I had a response all ready for you, then my comput...I had a response all ready for you, then my computer restarted (thank you micros@ft updates!). I'll just echo the great wisdom already shared here. You are a great parent KLee! Suehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03407981987874669303noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14917571.post-10146557106914174672014-07-09T23:37:59.175-04:002014-07-09T23:37:59.175-04:00Nope, not tacit permission. (Not that she needs t...Nope, not tacit permission. (Not that she needs to ask permission.) But yes, this is her making her own choice.<br /><br />Is there anything about Offspring that makes you think she is going to just suddenly start making stupid choices, after a lifetime of being careful and diligent? OK, sure, she will make some that aren't so great -- but my guess is, they will be stupid in small ways. And she knows to find the exit.<br /><br />Kathynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14917571.post-29117901126630053552014-07-09T23:31:41.319-04:002014-07-09T23:31:41.319-04:00While I know that giving her an ultimatum is the s...While I know that giving her an ultimatum is the surest thing to send her scurrying into the arms of this boy, I still feel like I should have said, "No.". By saying, " you are 18, and I can't MAKE you stay home, but I would ask that you not stay there," I ffeel that's a sort of tacit permission. <br /><br />I know I can't force her to see my side, but I want SO MUCH for her to not make the mistakes that I did. To equate sex for love, or to give herself up so cheaply. I've given her that talk more than once, so much that she just rolls her eyes when I work up a head of steam.<br /><br />I asked her if he presses her for sex, what did she planto do? Is she prepared to take that step, or is she prepared to head for the door? And, to some boys, it's all about the conquest -- once she gives it up, he's done with her. Is she ready for a heartbreak right now? Will this relationship make it easy to leave in the fall? Does she plan to try another long-distance relationship, closing her off from all that college has to offer?<br /><br />I worry. It's what I do. I figured those of you with older kids would have some sage wisdom to keep me tethered to sanity. Thank you. <br /><br />Well, they say having a boy means only having one dick to worry about. With a girl, however....KLeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00432371404842970536noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14917571.post-39424115847138101362014-07-09T21:58:22.609-04:002014-07-09T21:58:22.609-04:00Also what Monica said -- the pushes do sometimes h...Also what Monica said -- the pushes do sometimes have opposite effects from the ones you want.<br /><br />You've made your views known. It is ever so likely that at some point in the future, she will come back and say, "you were right" about something or another. It doesn't have to be right now. Parenting an adult, one must take the longer view. ;)Kathynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14917571.post-81825249421038470512014-07-09T21:50:32.493-04:002014-07-09T21:50:32.493-04:00What Liz said.
You have given her all these gre...What Liz said. <br /><br />You have given her all these great tools, to make good decisions and be responsible for herself. And she is making good decisions, like staying away from creeps.<br /><br />Next year, you will have no idea what's going on except what she tells you. And that is OK -- separation is necessary, so long as she knows you will be there when she needs you. <br /><br />Still, the separation is a hard process. xoxoKathynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14917571.post-41859610730427072172014-07-09T21:45:14.922-04:002014-07-09T21:45:14.922-04:00Right, what Liz said.
And, (you know this, I kno...Right, what Liz said. <br /><br />And, (you know this, I know), the more you push one way, the more she's going to push the opposite direction, just because she's growing up, looking ahead to making her own decisions, etc.<br /><br />I think I've already told you that I always got along very well with my parents EXCEPT for the summer between my senior year of high school and freshman year of college. They were so unreasonable, what with the rules and the questions and such.<br /><br />You've done a great job with her so far, and you're doing great now. <br /><br />(And you didn't say, but I assume she's prepared with birth control and protection, etc).Monicahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16593751475794211399noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14917571.post-80083271426600514902014-07-09T21:39:08.882-04:002014-07-09T21:39:08.882-04:00And also, if she's not wanting to and he pushe...And also, if she's not wanting to and he pushes her, it sounds like she knows how to get out of there and she knows you're there for her for that, too.<br /><br />You raised her right. You're a good parent. She's a good new-sprung adult. Whatever decision she makes, she makes it with a solid foundation and a good moral compass.Lizhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14687247995782738654noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14917571.post-34133140845523059172014-07-09T21:27:25.435-04:002014-07-09T21:27:25.435-04:00KLee, I'm gonna put my (completely based on my...KLee, I'm gonna put my (completely based on my own life experience, not there yet as a parent) advice way below this, so you can choose not to read it if advice isn't welcome<br />|<br />|<br />|<br />|<br />|<br />|<br />|<br />|<br />|<br />If she has sex with him this summer while she's still living with you, while you're nearby, then she has someone to go to immediately if she feels it was a mistake, and you will give her unconditional love about it. SO MUCH BETTER than being far away from you and having only strangers around.<br /><br />Meanwhile if it's good, and it's not a mistake, then that's all to the good, too.<br />Lizhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14687247995782738654noreply@blogger.com